MY DAY IN THE PARK

I had a lovely day in the park today. Sunshine, soft grass, parakeets, wildebeests. I had a lovely time. My beef rosti was lightly cooked and dunked in chowder by my slave children, my wine was cooled by the ice cream slabs. It was a lovely time in the park today. A lovely time.
I had a lovely day in the park today. The birds were singing Verdi and the turtles croaked as we shot them from our grass hut. The natives whooped and charged at the defences in one line, and the British pointed and laughed before setting a gorilla and a gazelle loose in their direction. The thunder of battle almost knocked the pig off its spit but I righted it in time. It was a lovely day.
I had a very lovely time at the park today indeed. My mother folded origami as my neices played ring-a-rosie. The dogs wrestled and nipped at each others ears as I had fastened a steak to each of their foreheads. Mayhem ensued when the daschund bit the Prince Regent on the shin. How we laughed and sipped on martinis. How we laughed. It was a lovely time in the park today. A lovely time.

SINISTER NURSERY RHYMES

Some of you may be aware that many nursery rhymes and fables began life in response to a creepy, deadly, or otherwise terrible thing or act. Sometimes they were written by bards in the middle ages after missing a train or a witch burning.
For example, did you know that the kiddie song 'Five Little Ducks' was written after the mass duck suicide of 1612?
The original final verse went...

Old mother duck went to the gap,
Stepped to the edge and flap, flap, flap,
Fell down onto rocks with a splat,
'And that,' said the coroner, 'that is that.'

So be careful when you sing about things and stuff to children and stuff! You may be wrecking their minds. FOR GOOD!